For the most part, my letters to you are full of rainbows and sunshine, dripping with my special brand of sentimentality. This is not one of those letters.
It goes without saying that you bring joy into my life each and every day, but there are some things that need addressing, young lady.
1. Hands off Daddy's earrings. You stuck your little fingers in those shiny little hoops and tugged one too many times, and now he's taken them out. The thing is, Mama likes Daddy's earrings. They make her want to do things that might someday provide you with a little brother or sister. Things that would have the teenaged you reading this saying "Groooooooooss Mooooooooom!" I am referring to things like holding his hand and kissing his cheek, of course. No, really. Just, promise to leave his earrings alone if he puts them back in, okay?
2. Lay off the love pats. The way you pat my chest or arm while you nurse is very sweet and endearing...for about 30 seconds. After that, your tiny little hand, with that tiny little tap, in the same exact spot, over and over and over and over again, is enough to drive me insane. I never understood how dripping water onto someone's forehead repeatedly would constitute torture, but now, I totally get it.
3. The spoon stays on your high chair tray. Stop throwing it on the floor after you've slurped the last bit of food off of it. Set it on your tray, or on the table, or hand it back to me. I'm sure it's a powerful feeling for you, seeing me unsuccessfully try to catch it, pick it up, walk over to the sink, wash it, load it up with delicious food, and hand it back to you, so you can suck every morsel from it and start the game all over again. That wasn't even cute the first time. If you don't stop, I'll be forced to make you eat everything with your hands. Yes, even yogurt. Hmmm....this strategy might need further consideration.
4. Leave the dog's dishes alone. First of all, that water is there for her to drink, not for you to flood the kitchen floor with and soak the adorable (and clean) outfit I JUST put you in. Second of all, you are a vegetarian, and she is not, so the dog food crumbs that you so enjoy licking from her food dish are simply not an appropriate dietary choice for you.
5. Be patient with my story-telling. I'm glad that you love books so much, and that turning pages is such a delightful activity for you. However, if you want me to read you a book, you have to give me time to see the words before you go flipping to the next page. That's how reading works. There are words involved. I haven't memorized them all yet.
Other than these few minor faults, which I expect you'll immediately set to correcting now that I've addressed them, carry on with your charming ways!
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