Minus Ten Crunchy Points

Welcome to the "I'm a Natural Parent - BUT..." Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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If you're a parent and have access to the internet, you've probably heard of "The Mommy Wars". While online parenting communities can be invaluable resources for support and information, unfortunately, they can also be full of judgment and exclusion if you don't do everything "perfectly". In "natural" parenting circles, I sometimes see a "crunchier than thou" attitude, even in the most inclusive communities. Sadly, this most often comes out when parents are seeking support or advice, or beginning to research difficult decisions. Instead of being met with answers to their questions or fingers pointing them in the right direction, they are met with judgment and fingers pointing at them, asking "How dare you call yourself a natural parent if you would even consider __________?"

What has been perhaps the most fascinating to me in these crunchy mommy wars is that the very things that would get me kicked out of the crunchy club online are things that make me seem almost too crunchy to many of my family and friends in "real life". I consider myself a Natural Parent, even though I don't do everything by the Crunchy Bible, whatever that may be. I think Dr. Sears (whose work I love! don't get me wrong!) probably wrote it.

So yes, I'm a natural parent, BUT...

C-Section babies can choose their birthdays too.

I had a planned (but not scheduled) c-section. Due to complications at the end of my pregnancy and breech presentation, I had a c-section. I refused to schedule it, since there was no immediate danger, and I wanted to go into labor naturally so that I knew my baby was ready to be born. It was difficult for me to come to terms with after researching and preparing for an unmedicated waterbirth, but after trying everything (and I mean everything) to turn my baby, alas, a surgical birth it was.

• IRL (In Real Life) Reactions: You should just schedule it! You could pick her birthday and know for sure when she's coming! Why would you want to go through the pain of labor if you know you're having a c-section anyway? What kind of hippie are you?
• OCMC (Online Crunchy Mama Clubs) Reactions: You should consider an unassisted birth at home! Minus 10 Crunchy Points!

We transitioned our daughter to her crib in her own room by 6 months, and only co-slept part time after that. My daughter and I are both pretty light sleepers, and we were constantly waking each other up with the slightest movement. When she started sleeping on her own, nights were better for all of us. When she woke up in the night, she was (and still is) welcome to join us in our family bed.

Alone in her crib.
Clearly traumatized.

• IRL Reactions: Why would you have your baby in bed with you at all? She should have been in a crib on her own from the beginning! I can't believe you still let her into your bed! She'll never learn to sleep alone! What kind of hippie are you?
• OCMC Reactions: Your baby belongs next to you. Bed-sharing at least through preschool is the only acceptable option for attached parents. Minus 10 Crunchy Points!

I work part-time. My daughter is in daycare 1-2 half days per week. After a four month maternity leave, I returned to my part-time job. This past summer, I added another part-time job to the mix. (I work fewer than 30 hours per week at both jobs, combined.) Between the way my husband and I have arranged our schedules and my very helpful mother, we have managed to minimize the time that Delilah spends at the in-home daycare run by one of my best friends.

• IRL Reactions: How will she get proper socialization if she spends so little time at daycare? Wouldn't you rather be getting paid more and earning benefits by working full time? How sheltered she must be! What kind of hippie are you?
• OCMC Reactions: Babies must have a stay-at-home parent in order to form proper and healthy attachments. You are damaging your child by leaving her in the care of others. If you really cared about natural parenting, you would find a way to stay home with her. Minus 10 Crunchy Points.

I began a mother-led form of weaning (don't offer, don't refuse) when my daughter turned 2. While I feel strongly that child-led weaning is ideal, I also feel strongly that a nursing relationship should continue only for as long as it is mutually desired. My desire to continue breastfeeding was waning, so I began to gently lead the weaning process.

She asked, she received.

• IRL Reactions: You're still breastfeeding your 2 year old? GROSS! What kind of hippie are you?
• OCMC Reactions: Children must be allowed to continue breastfeeding until they feel ready to stop. You are disrupting a natural process by leading the weaning process and denying your child her birthright. Minus 10 Crunchy Points.

We vaccinate selectively, and on a delayed schedule, never giving more than one shot at a time. We did thorough research and weighed the risks of vaccine reactions against the risks of the diseases they protect against. With our doctors help and support, we came up with a selective and delayed vaccination schedule that we're all comfortable with.

• IRL Reactions: You are endangering your daughter's life by not fully vaccinating her according to the CDC recommended schedule. Every rash or illness or undesirable behavior she has is a direct result of not being fully vaccinated. Forget hippie, you're insane!
• OCMC Reactions: You are endangering your daughter's life by giving her any vaccinations at all.  Every rash or illness or undesirable behavior she has is a direct result of having been vaccinated. Forget Crunchy Points, you are kicked out of the club!

Am I perfect Natural Parent? Nope. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I do the best I can, and make adaptations for what works best for my family. By some standards, I'm far too crunchy. By other standards, I have no right to call myself a natural parent at all. By my standards, and from what I can tell, by my daughter's standards, I've struck just the right balance for us, and to this hippie, that's worth all the crunchy points in the world!

***If you like this blog, please vote for me on   Babble's Top 100 Mom Blogs.  Thanks for your support!

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
• I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
• I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
• Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
• Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
• Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
• 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
• Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
• My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
• I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
• I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
• I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
• Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
• I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
• I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
• Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
• I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
• I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
• I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
• Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
• How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
• I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
• Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
• The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
• Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
• I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
• I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
• I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
• Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
• Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
• Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
• Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
• We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
• Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
• Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
• Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things