How Does Your Garden Grow?

Dear Delilah,

Summer is my favorite season, and not just because it's the season of my favorite holiday: my birthday. I love soaking up the longer hours of sunlight, and being able to go outside without layers and layers of clothing (most days). I love thunderstorms and rainbows. I love food on the grill, and I love eating it outside. I love the variety of fresh, local produce available at the Farmer's Markets. One of the things I love the very most is gardening. I love the range of beautiful colors that can only be found in nature. I love the intoxicating fragrance of flowers in bloom. I love watching the birds, bees, and butterflies have their daily garden parties. I love the satisfaction of planting a seed, or a bulb, or a tiny little plant start, and watching it mature over the years into all of its glory.

Right around the 4th of July is always my favorite time of year in the garden. It's not coincidence that it's the time of year when my favorite flowers, my lilies, really start to shine. It's when the bee balm starts to peak, its mild but delicious scent drifting halfway down the block, it's bold blooms giving fireworks everywhere a run for their money. It's a time where everything is lush and green, and when some of my favorite summer blooms are showing off, or just on the verge of showing off their beauty.

This year, when we frolic among our flowers, the focus is on naming the colors. I look forward to years of gardening to come with you right there in the thick of it,to helping you recognize which plants are weeds to pull, which smell delightful, which have medicinal properties, and which make the best and most long lasting bouquets. I look forward to explaining which flowers the bees like, which the hummingbirds prefer, which attract butterflies, and which have seeds that the birds love to eat. I can't wait to watch in wonder along with you while the bees dance their pollination dance, and while we observe the gradual life cycles of the flowers from when their first shoots poke up through the ground to when they go to seed and turn brown, until the next year when it all begins again.

As beautiful as all of those flowers are, when I look around our back yard, not a single one holds a candle to the beauty that bursts from within you.

Love,

Mama

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She Spoke So Kind and She Talked So Fair...

Dear Delilah,

I can hardly believe that today marks 1 year since I started this blog of letters to you. While I don't have as much time to devote to it as I did a year ago; writing to you about the memories we're making, the lessons we're learning, the fun we're having, the challenges we're overcoming, and the love we're sharing as you grow up remains a priority for me. The day I started this blog, I planned to write to you about how you came to be named Delilah, which is not so coincidentally also how this blog came to be named Fine and Fair.

I'm often asked if you are named after "that Delilah song". My default answer is "Yes, but probably not the one you're thinking of." You see, a few years back, a bunch of rascally teenagers band called the Plain White T's came out with a dreadfully catchy pop song called "Hey There Delilah". These days, when someone refers to "that Delilah song", that overplayed pop tune is usually the one they're referring to.

"That Delilah song" is one of many. When your father and I were discussing baby names, Queen's "Delilah" was the first song that came to his mind. Thank goodness Freddie Mercury had a cat named Delilah, or your daddy probably wouldn't have agreed to your name! When Grandma Lisa first heard of it, "Delilah" by Tom Jones started playing on repeat in her mind. While the Queen tune is awesome (so much so that it provided the soundtrack to a slideshow I made of photos from your first year), it's not "that Delilah song" that you were named for!

When I was a teenager, I went through a bit of a hippie phase. "A bit of" and "phase" are not entirely accurate; I'm still a bit of a hippie, truth be told. Anyway, as a wannabe hippie, The Grateful Dead was in heavy rotation in my music collection. The first time I heard the song Samson and Delilah, I absolutely fell in love with the name. Your name. Yes, at the ripe old age of 15, I declared that I would one day have a daughter, and that her name would be Delilah.

If it weren't for that song, I would probably be clueless about the bible story of Samson and Delilah. Most people think of the biblical Delilah as a bit of a bad girl. A harlot. A con artist. Well, being the optimist that I am, I prefer to think of her as resourceful. Strong. A woman of power in a world in which most women had none. Regardless of how one might judge her character, it is universally agreed upon that her beauty was captivating. I fully disclose my bias here, but your beauty, the beauty that shines through from inside of you, takes my breath away every day. I hope that your name will serve as a reminder to you that you are strong, you are powerful, and you are beautiful. I hope you will learn to use that strength, power, and beauty for the benefit of others, and not at their expense, as your biblical counterpart was led to do.

So what does that have to do with the name of this blog? That Grateful Dead song, still one of my favorites to this day, opens with the lyric "Well Delilah was a woman, she was fine and fair." And you, Dear Delilah, are most certainly fine and fair, just as much today as one year ago when this blog was born.

Love,

Mama





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Creepy Crawlies and the Wonder of Dirt

Dear Delilah,

When our daily schedule and the weather permit it, we head out for a nice long walk after breakfast. When we return home, we spend some time out in the yard playing, exploring, discovering, and pulling a weed here and there. A couple of weeks ago (yes, I'm behind on recounting our memories!) I turned away from the weeds to see that a rogue Caterpillar had dropped seemingly out of nowhere onto your sunhat! You were completely oblivious to your beautiful little friend as it made its way down to the brim of your hat, dropped onto the back of your shirt, and then meandered down to the grass to continue its journey.

I'll admit that I felt a slight twinge of disappointment when I was unsuccessful at turning your attention to the little creepy crawly critter before it wandered away. Still, observing your refusal to be distracted from the blade of grass and speck of dirt that you were so intently studying served as a reminder of just how much there is in this great big world for you to discover. There will be plenty of time for caterpillars, butterflies, and all of the other flora and fauna that our local great outdoors has to offer. There's no need to rush your examination of the tiniest particles of soil and all of the beauty and excitement they behold.

Love,

Mama

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DaDa Day

Dear Delilah,

Yesterday we celebrated your wonderfully loving father. I was deeply in love with him before you came into the picture, but seeing him evolve into his role as your father has added a whole new dimension to that love. He was simply born to be a father. He is affectionate, gentle, playful, and silly while providing you with guidance and support as you grow and develop. The way your eyes light up when you hear him walk in the door after work and start clapping and shouting "DaDa!" is matched only by the light in his upon receiving such a welcome.

Even before you were born, he was an attentive father. He never missed a prenatal appointment, he was by my side through all of the research I did about pregnancy, birth, and babies, and he even sat through documentaries like Orgasmic Birth with a (mostly) straight face. He was so eager to meet you, and once you arrived safely, he couldn't take his eyes off of you.

He is a hands-on father in every sense of the word. I can count the number of baths I've given you on my fingers and toes, and the number of times I've clipped your nails on one finger. Those are his domains. He's surely changed nearly half your diapers, picks out your outfits and gets you dressed on the mornings he's here to do so, and puts you to sleep with ease. Of course, playtime is his favorite, and he delights in playing music with and for you, teaching you colors and animals sounds, and rolling a ball back and forth. I couldn't ask for a better partner, and while I'm sure you'll doubt this at some point during your adolescence, you couldn't ask for a better father.

We are both so lucky to have him!

Love,

Mama




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Still Going Strong!

Dear Delilah,

Over the weekend, your Grandma asked if you're still nursing. It must have occurred to her that she hasn't actually seen you nurse in a while. Thanks to her curiosity, it occurred to me that our nursing relationship has really been evolving over the last couple of months. I can't recall the last time you nursed anywhere other than in bed or on our couch at home. You are simply too busy when we're out in the world to bother with mama's milk! This past weekend, for the first time ever, you declined when I offered to nurse you. We were in the van warming up between your uncle's baseball games, and I asked several times if you'd like some milk. You were not interested and carried on climbing all over the van, a new adventure since you're normally secured in your carseat in there!

The other day while we were out walking, I had a delightful conversation with a little boy who was outside playing. He asked me how old you were, and informed me that he has a one month old baby sister. He declared you the second cutest baby he's ever seen, his sister coming in first place, naturally. He went on to inform me that "mommies have to make their own milk just to feed their babies!". I smiled and said "That's right!" and then he asked if I still make milk to feed my baby. I smiled as I answered affirmatively, but I couldn't help but wonder how long it will be before the answer is "No, not anymore."

A little over a month ago, I added the 18 Month Breastfeeding Milestone Ribbon to the sidebar on the left. My goal has been, and continues to be, to continue nursing you until you're at least two, and to allow you to self-wean when you are ready. Looking back, it has been quite an adventure. There were the early days when I was overcome with worry that my milk wasn't coming in fast enough, thanks to your surgical birth. The frantic calls made to the lactation consultant, afraid that I was doing it wrong, or that you were doing it wrong. Then the shift into confidence that we were succeeding, and becoming more comfortable nursing in the presence of others.

Here we are today, now over 19 months of breastfeeding behind us. Perhaps you sensed my emotions, as this morning, you reassured me that mama's milk is still the best thing ever. You snuggled and nursed for nearly two hours, both of us drifting in and out of sleep before leaving the comfort of the bed to have breakfast and start our day. It is bittersweet to realize that we are likely well over half-way through our breastfeeding relationship, and to wonder, how many more ribbons will we earn?

Love,

Mama



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Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Dear Delilah,

Your Uncle Rudy is quite the athlete, and cheering him on at his sporting events is a regular family event. This past weekend, Grandpa Rudy and Grandma Bev sprung for a weekend out of town for the whole fam damily so that we could all cheer him on at a baseball tournament. Last year's outing was quite an experience; your father and I were a slave to your sleeping schedule (or lack thereof, as it were), and missed out on a lot of the family fun as a result. That's not to say that we didn't enjoy ourselves! In fact, it was all of the fun and excitement that caused such disruption to your sleeping and eating patterns. See, you had fun:

And even had your first experience in a swimming pool:

But this year? This year was even better! You're a bit more flexible with your typical routine now, and more importantly, you're more able to communicate your needs and wants. You're such a social little baby that the modest crowds at the games, the shopping center, the breakfast area in the hotel, and the swimming pool didn't throw you one bit. (The cold water in the swimming pool, that's a different story!)

Apparently, babies are the coolest thing ever to teenage boys, because after winning their first game, your Uncle scooped you up on his way over to the post-game huddle. His teammates eagerly greeted you and even stole you away from your beloved uncle!

He sure is proud to be your uncle, even when you're too tired to smile for the camera with him.

After another game, a nap, some shopping, and another nap, you had a ball while we all enjoyed food grilled by Grandpa Rudy in the parking lot at the hotel, along with your Grandpa Pat and Grandma Lisa who stopped by for a visit.

Then on Sunday, there was more intense baseball action to watch.

You are such an easy-going baby that traveling with you is a breeze, save for the extra packing we have to do now. You don't even seem to mind traveling in the car, alternating between sleeping and happily chattering away or hugging your stuffed monkey. Your father and I are always so grateful when we get to spend a whole weekend all together as a family. It gives us the chance to be mindful of how much and how quickly you are growing and changing before our very eyes. Your are adding vocabulary and concepts to your repertoire daily, and we're starting to lose track! One thing we will never lose track of is how sweet, loving, fun, and adorable you are. Just when we think that living our life as our little family can't get any better, it does.

Love,

Mama

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Not One Baby, but Two Babies

Today I'm pleased to bring you a guest blog from my dear friend Darlena. She shares a heartfelt letter of gratitude and hope for her twin daughters. Head over to Tales of an Unlikely Mother to follow along with her adventures in raising her beautiful girls!


Dear Babies,

We’re coming up on your third year, and truth be told, you’re not babies anymore. I have to get with the times. You’re running around, talking fluently, making up your own games and exploring your ever-expanding world. It’s that very same world that scares me, as I’m sure it scares many parents.

There is so much meanness here. So many pitfalls, so much to look out for. There are so many who would hurt you, from government to strangers to family. You are so strong and yet so delicate. I see your happiness, your innocence, and I want you to be able to hold onto that. I know it cannot be. To view the world completely with the eyes of a child as an adult is to welcome all sorts of hardships. To make it here, you must be slowly prepared for the realities I wish were not so.

Soon the days where a chocolate milk and a Band Aid will cure all ailments will end. Then what will I do? You’ll learn that sometimes when people leave, they don’t come back. You’ll learn Santa isn’t real, that Dora isn’t really your friend, and that not everyone has kindness in their hearts. My heart breaks for your upcoming discoveries.

I can only hope that I can keep you as safe as possible, that I can be there for you as your illusions vanish, that you can see the world’s harshness without having to experience it.

I know I give you two a hard time for being two. We often joke around here, “not one baby, but two babies!” But in this way, I’m so glad you do have a twin. Already, you’re so close. If one falls, the other is there with a kiss to help. If one is unhappy, the other searches for a way to change that. You look out for each other. You tell on each other when things get dicey. You help each other learn and grow. When one learns a new trick or idea, you help the other catch up.

I hope as you grow, you never drift apart. I know that as a team, you can do anything. I know that should I fail you, should I cease to exist, should the world pile upon your shoulders, you’ll always have a support system in each other. You are a team.

Yes, right now, you may hate taking turns. You may hate having to wait. You may want to play different games or watch different shows. Your sister may cramp your style sometimes, but for the most part, already, your entire world is tied up in her world. That’s not a bad thing. For as you grow into your own personalities, as you move away and make your own way, you’ll have a protection that many will never know. If you can keep your relationship strong, you’ll never lack for companionship or understanding.

They say twins have a special bond. I hope they’re right. I want many things in my life, but what I want most of all, above all else, is for my babies to be safe and loved. I feel like we’ve all been blessed. You were born with a built-in safety, a built-in loved one.

I truly am the luckiest woman alive, and it’s thanks to you two. “Not one baby, but two babies.”

Thank you.

Darlena Cunha blogs at Tales of an Unlikely Mother. She's a former television news producer turned stay at home mom to her toddler twin girls.



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On Table Manners

Dear Delilah,

If you're going to refuse to eat without a fork in your hand, kindly stop throwing your fork on the floor. Mama would like to sit still for long enough to eat, too.

Love,

Mama


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Families Respecting Families

If you're a regular reader here, you know how much I value diversity, and that tolerance and acceptance of individuals from all walks of life is important to me. You know that I'm an advocate for a number of causes and social justice issues. You know that I use my voice to draw attention to these topics.

Today, I'm using that voice, and this space, to introduce you to my friend Monika of aias.ca, the creator of the Families Respecting Families badge that I proudly display over to your left. This badge is a visible declaration that Fine and Fair is a place of respect for families of all make-ups and backgrounds. It is a declaration of Fine and Fair as a judgement-free zone, a place where it is assumed that all of us are doing the best we know how for our children and our families.

I welcome you all to join in me in displaying this badge on your blogs, and expanding the network of respect and acceptance for all families, everywhere. While you're over there grabbing the badge, check out the blog, it's one of my favorites! Don't be shy, say hello, and tell her that Mama from Fine and Fair sent you! Stay tuned, I'm working on her to grace Fine and Fair with a guest post! :)

If you like this blog, and haven't done so lately, please vote for 'Dear Delilah, Fine and Fair' on  Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs. I'm currently at # 41. Thanks for your support!